dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
