if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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