phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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