She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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