what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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