i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
