What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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