i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
