He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
