I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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