You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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