Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
