he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
