i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
