thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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