I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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