1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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