If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
