Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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