We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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