How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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