you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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