Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
