he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
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There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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