dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
