Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
