you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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