I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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