Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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