i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
