Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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