I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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