RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
