How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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