wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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