I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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