Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
