id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
this hospital has no fireball
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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