Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
