sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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