My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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