Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
