Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Mom said you looked used
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
