I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize