I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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