Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
