My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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