I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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