this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize