I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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