Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
