the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
