apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Congratulations! We have a period
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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