Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
