I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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