My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
