mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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