I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize