went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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