I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
