Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
