i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
