He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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