can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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