You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
