final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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