Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dear god my vagina.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
