I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
