Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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